Lady Elizabeth Interviewed by Lady S.

1.What city or cities do you play out of? Do you travel for sessions?

I have a private dungeon in Central Connecticut. I frequently see submissives from New York, Boston, and around the world. I travel to several kink events worldwide each year, and keep a current travel calendar on my website.

2. How did you get into kink?

I was always an alpha female, beginning with being an only child. I came across BDSM by accident at a goth club in Atlanta in college and was immediately hooked! I spent the whole night watching performances with rope, whipping, clothespins, all sorts of delicious things. A few weeks later I found out two friends were in a D/s relationship, and I asked them to start teaching me about it and sharing references.

3. Are you in the lifestyle, and if so, for how long?

Yes, I think it would be tough to do this if you weren’t also seriously engaged in D/s in your personal life. I first started exploring the lifestyle casually when I was 21, and have been full time for over a decade. In addition to my girlfriend being in the lifestyle, I have a few personal servants in my household.

4. When and how did you become a Dominant? What made you decide this was something you wanted to pursue?

It wasn’t intentional. People kept seeing me play at clubs and events and asked me to train them. My lifestyle explorations eventually turned into a fun part time gig while I was in graduate school. After I finished my PhD, I devoted myself full time to BDSM, and it bloomed into a successful journey. I also do some consulting related to my PhD work, and I do coaching for couples and individuals within the BDSM community.

5. What’s the best part of doing this? The worst?

The variety is the best! I get to see a diverse range of people, from nervous beginners to seasoned players to couples exploring together. I get to watch people grow and make improvements in their lives because of my discipline and training. Also, no scene is ever the same, even with someone I’ve seen for years. I never get bored. The worst aspect is the endless sea of emails from people who are not actually serious about following through with me. I reply to every email I receive, as a courtesy, and it takes an enormous amount of time.

6. Do you have a specialty, or a favorite activity?

I have several favorites. I always enjoy domestic discipline scenes and corporal punishment, and I really get into medical play. Also my girlfriend teaches suspension bondage, so that’s making me step up my rope bondage game! Outside of the dungeon I’m an avid skier, I take dressage lessons, and I enjoy all sorts of music from dance clubs to the symphony.

7. Do you have any interesting anecdotes to share?

People like to joke that they could write a book full of stories. Well, I wrote a whole dissertation on kink…how much time do you have?

8. Are you involved in any current projects? (Books, workshops, videos, etc)

I’m a Global Goddess for DommeTrips, which is a femdom vacation event. It’s important for me to give back to the local BDSM community, so I skill share at local events when I’m not traveling. I write for Kink Academy, and am always open to writing guest blogs on other sites.

9. Would you like to add anything else?

For me, dominance is about relationship building. I aim for quality rather than quantity with my servants, so everyone can have the personalized training they seek. Ultimately, life is about finding fun avenues for growth and exploration, and BDSM is a delightful way to facilitate happiness.

Kink 101: Q&A for the Kink Curious

I’ve been a dominatrix for over a decade, and I am frequently contacted by kink-curious novices looking to explore something a little different. Some of my new trainees have harbored secret fantasies for years and finally are brave enough to pursue them. Other people have learned about BDSM through movies or popular books such as Fifty Shades of Grey. Whatever their motivation, people who are new to kink have lots of excellent questions. In this blog, I answer some of the most common questions I’m asked by beginners.

Does it have to hurt?
Everyone knows the expression “no pain no gain,” but surprisingly it doesn’t always apply in BDSM. One question I’m often asked is whether or not pain has to be involved in a meeting. Pain certainly isn’t for everyone, and it doesn’t have to be included in a BDSM scene unless you want it to be. There are countless ways for BDSM scenes to unfold without pain. One of the main reasons people explore submission is that they want to give up control and be told what to do. Other people have fetishes for feet, latex, or wearing women’s clothes. Bondage and sensation play such as ice or teasing with feathers? No pain there, either.

Are you going to yell at me?
It’s a common myth that every dominatrix is an angry man-hater who wants to insult you and make you miserable. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love what I do, I adore my submissives, and I delight in tormenting them in fun ways. If both partners aren’t enjoying their time in the dungeon, then why bother doing it? As for yelling, the only time I yell at a submissive is if he’s hard of hearing and forgot his hearing aids! In the vanilla world, if someone talks louder in a conversation, it’s a sign that they’ve lost control of the situation. A truly dominant woman has the ability to control you without ever raising her voice.

What does BDSM mean, anyway?
BDSM is a condensed version of three acronyms: B/D for bondage and discipline, D/S for dominance and submission, and S/M for sadism and masochism. All of these activities fall under the umbrella of BDSM, along with fetishism. There are some people in the BDSM lifestyle who engage in all of these activities, while others only are interested in one or two pieces of the BDSM puzzle. You may already know what sort of kinky things you want to try, or you may just be curious to explore something a little different. Everyone has to start somewhere, and there is no “one true way” to explore this lifestyle. Try a little bit of whatever excites you and your partner, and you’ll be off to an excellent start!

What happens during a first meeting?
No two scenes will be exactly alike. There isn’t a magical rule book to consult that decides which activities you’ll enjoy most. However, there are certain types of play that are often popular with beginners. These are activities most people find sexy and fun, and they allow a nervous newbie to feel excited while still feeling safe. Here are some examples: putting you in a collar, leading you around my dungeon on a leash, light bondage, tickling, bare hand spanking, light nipple play, and role play scenarios. During a meeting, I give consideration to special requests you make, or activities that my years of experience indicates might be a good match for your energy. Every situation is different, and chemistry is tremendously important.

What WON’T you do to me in a first meeting?
We’ll talk about safety and limits in person in my office during our first meeting. When we’re in the dungeon, I’ll never do anything you’ve specifically told me is off limits. I prefer not to use gags or hoods in a first session, because I want you to be able to communicate clearly with me if there’s a problem or if you’re uncomfortable in a bad way. I won’t leave any marks on your body unless you specifically tell me marks are okay. I won’t walk out of sight while you are tied up. I never encourage any play that’s medically unsafe or mentally damaging. I won’t take my clothes off, nor will I engage in any illegal activities with you, whether it’s our first scene or our 100th time together. After we meet, I won’t ever violate your privacy by sharing your name or personal information with anyone.

What do you enjoy the most?
Plenty of new people ask me this question, either because they are looking for ideas or because they genuinely want to make their dominant happy. Primarily, I enjoy scenes with people who are bright, funny, and honest. Chemistry and personal compatibility are huge elements in building trust and establishing my dominance. Dungeon activities truly are secondary to personality fit, but some of my favorites are spanking, caning, medical scenes, bondage, electrical play, and lifestyle submissive training. I’m also a sucker for a good foot massage!

If you decide to explore BDSM, as an individual or as a couple, you’re embarking on a delightful journey. Seek out experienced teachers that can guide you on a safe path. Be honest with yourself about your desires and expectations, and communicate them clearly so your needs can be met. Be open to new experiences, and you may be surprised at the things you find exciting. Enjoy the discovery, and most importantly: have fun!